The Griwerrtones Director's Cut

A commentary-free presentation of The Griwerrtones in its entirety!

Produced by Patrick Emile and Marlo Mysliwiec
Written, Directed, Scored, and Edited by Patrick Emile

CAST: Jovane Caamaño as Myles Manningford and Myles Manningford Sr., Cameron Casey as Champ Renegade, Cody Dry as DJ Yuh-no and the Cop, Courtney Dyamond as Narrator, Patrick Emile as Cornish Henrikksen, Brendan Kallaugher as Sandy Graves and Delivery Driver, Jon Murrell as Parry Unitas, Bradford Reilly as Claude "the Clobber" Clobbinzky, Amber Rossi Strasser as Tessa Buckle, Ph.D., and Evan Michael Woods as Cisco Schaefer

Transcript

Writer Wrong Episode 11

The Griwerrtones Director's Cut

1.7.2021


Note: Writer Wrong is designed and produced for your listening enjoyment. If you are able, we recommend listening to the audio for your initial experience. All transcripts are generated by human transcribers and may contain errors. Please refer to the corresponding audio episode before quoting in print.

Writer Wrong and “The Griwerrtones Director's Cut” are copyrighted works under Title 17, USC. No part of these works may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission from the copyright owner.



WRITERS ROOM      00:00

     [MUSIC: WRITER WRONG THEME]

Patrick Emile: Welcome to the show, brave listeners, this is the Writer Wrong Podcast, and I am your host, as always, Patrick Emile. Folks, what do you say to visiting again with our friends Myles Manningford, Cisco Schaefer, Champ Renegade, and of course Tessa Buckle Ph.D.? That's right! It's time again for "The Griwerrtones." A commentary-free presentation of all three chapters. So buckle up, here comes, "The Griwerrtones Director's Cut."

     [MUSIC: WRITER WRONG THEME OUT]
     [BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP]



THE GRIWERRTONES  - Chapter One      00:46

     [SOUND: BASEBALL CROWD, EXCITEMENT INTO DISAPPOINTMENT]

ANNOUNCER:
...a swinging third strike, and down goes Clobbinzky. The hitless streak continues for Claude. Simmsfork Scimitars 7 and our very own Griwerrtown Grackles still at 0. Better luck next time, Clobber!

     [SOUND: BASEBALL ORGAN MUSIC]

Folks, as always I'm your announcer, Sandy Graves. And that brings us to the stretch here at Henrikksen Field, and do we have a treat for you— right after this note from our generous sponsor, Mr. Cornish Henrikksen: 'Do you hate swallowing? Are you tired of keeping track of all your drugs? Come on down to Pills 'N' Chills, home of the Pharmafrost, where you can fill the prescriptions of your dreams in the form of an ice-cold, delicious smoothie. Pills 'N' Chills: Keep Life Smooth.' Thank you, Mr. Henrikksen, for all that you do for Griwerrtown.

And now it's time for tonight's seventh-inning entertainment! The leaves are changing, the candy is flowing, and that can only mean one thing: bring on the Halloween carols! You know what time it is—give it up for Griwerrtown's resident vocal performance troupe, The Griwerrtones!!

     [SOUND: APPLAUSE]

ANNOUNCER:
(waiting, trying to play off the delay)...The Griwerrtones…

     [MUSIC: TRANSITION RIFF]
     [SOUND: GATE OPENING]

MYLES:
Champ, it's more like, (vocal warm-up) "oooohhhOOOWWWWwwwwahhhhhh..."

CHAMP:
Owwwwwwwwwooooooooahhh...

ALL:
(various warm-up sounds)

MYLES:
That's good, that's better!

ANNOUNCER:
(distantly) The Griwerrtones...

MYLES:
Oh nuts, that's us! Ok, circle up. Wait, who's turn is it in the circle?

CISCO:
Pretty sure it's Tessa's, chief.

CHAMP:
Should we maybe go with one that has a little more good vibes to it? In Siem Reap, they have a saying—

CISCO:
Oh, here we go...

TESSA:
We cannot know efficacy without trial, Champ.

ANNOUNCER:
...(distantly) The Griwerrtones...

MYLES:
There's no time for this! Come on, get in here Tessa.

ALL:
Griwerrtones, Griwerrtones!

TESSA:
Existence is a construct.

ALL:
Nothing means anything! Goooooo, Griwerrtones!

     [SOUND: GATE OPENING]
     [MUSIC: TRANSITION RIFF]

ANNOUNCER:
...oh, it looks like...yes, folks here they are. Better late than never, I always say. Welcome, The Griwerrtones!

     [SOUND: LIGHT APPLAUSE]

MYLES:
(quietly) We got this! Cisco?

     [SOUND: PITCH PIPE]

MYLES:
Two...three...four...

ALL (SINGING):
Boo scare scare scare scare!
Boo scare scare scare scare!

If you hear a gentle scratching,
Like leaves blowin’ ‘cross the ground,
Best board up your windows, friend
And dare not make a sound.

For now it is the time for shadows,
And quite unexpected chills.
The ghouls are now a-tap-tap-tappin’
On everybody’s sills.

The moon betrays you!
Don’t you trust that light
It will reveal you to darkness in the
Season Of The Night

Boo scare scare scare scare!
Boo scare scare scare scare!

So when you hear a skeeter skitter,
And you want to scream out in fright,
Think again—there’s no escapin’ the Season Of The Night! (Don't trust that light)
The Season Of The Night!
Boo!

     [SOUND: APPLAUSE]
     [MUSIC: THE GRIWERRTONES THEME MUSIC]

NARRATOR:
In the darkest hour,
in the time of need,
who sings for the songless?
Cisco Schaefer!

CISCO:
"Don't get all riled up, creamy."

NARRATOR:
Champ Renegade!

CHAMP:
"Life is an ocean of possibility: give the roots room to grow, and you'll see that even broken wings have feathers."

NARRATOR:
Tessa Buckle, Ph.D.!

TESSA:
"My therapist says I need to consider people as more than the makeup of their atomic structure. I tend to disagree..."

NARRATOR:
And Myles Manningford!

MYLES:
"Here's one: squirrel boxing. But, it's also a ceramics studio."

NARRATOR:
Together they are...The Griwerrtones!

Written by Patrick Emile.

Back at Griwerrtones Headquarters after a successful gig...

     [SOUND: WHIP CRACK]
     [SOUND: HQ DOOR OPENING/CLOSING]

CISCO:
...so I say to this knucklehead, look—

ALL (BUT CISCO):
"Don't get all riled up, creamy."

CISCO:
Oh ok, very funny.

TESSA:
You've related this account to us on several prior occasions, Cisco.

MYLES:
Well, I think that went super great. The crowd seemed into it. Anyone up for some celebration? I'll grab some glasses...

     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]

NARRATOR:
Myles makes his way back to the kitchen of Griwerrtones HQ. Here's a bit of background: While it is the current headquarters of our team, the letters H and Q have stood for many things over the years. You see, Myles Manningford was born into money. A lot of money. His is one of the founding families of Griwerrtown, yet Myles has always strived to make his own name for himself. While the irony of using his inexhaustible trust fund to accomplish this is somewhat lost on him, he has indeed worked hard to get several different businesses off the ground in this very space, and stubbornly using the installed letters of H and Q for each. Unfortunately, his ability to craft ideas hasn't always translated to success. First, there was his concept of blending yoga with archery, aptly named Hatha Quivers...

     [MUSIC: FLASHBACK UND.]
     [SOUND: MUFFLED VOICE]

MYLES:
(on the phone) ...I understand, Father, but this is a good idea. Have you ever held a pose while targeting with an arrow? No? No one has. It's gold.

NARRATOR:
After that, he tried a unique center for math tutoring and escape room enthusiasts called Hidden Quotient.

     [MUSIC: FLASHBACK UND.]
     [SOUND: MUFFLED VOICE]

MYLES:
Father, we are well behind other nations as far as developing early math skills. I—I know. Come on, the fire department had no business being in there in the first place!

NARRATOR:
Then came the ill-fated apiary and arcade: Honey Quarters.

     [MUSIC: FLASHBACK UND.]
     [SOUND: MUFFLED VOICE]

MYLES:
...yes I know lawyers cost money. Look, everyone signed a waiver—who thinks to put bee allergies on a waiver?

NARRATOR:
And then the short-lived all-in-one life insurance sales and salon: Hair Quotes.

     [MUSIC: FLASHBACK UND.]
     [SOUND: MUFFLED VOICE]

MYLES:
No, I am ahead of my time! This could've worked if people knew how much they could save in time and money by doing both at once. ...you're stupid, ugh!

     [SOUND: PHONE HANGING UP]

NARRATOR:
And so Myles continues developing new concepts for the building. In the meantime, the wonderful and expensive HQ signage of the storefront stays lit for the rehearsal, recording, and relaxation studio of The Griwerrtones. Myles developed his love for a cappella choir in his all-boys prep school, and upon discovering what a soprano and alto were as an adult, he enthusiastically founded the group. Bolstered by his frequently vacant space and boundless budget, the choir represents Myles's greatest achievement. Oh, here he comes with the champagne glasses.

     [SOUND: GLASSES CLINK]

MYLES:
I lifted this bottle from Father's cellar a while back. I think this is the perfect occasion.

     [SOUND: CHAMPAGNE CORK]

MYLES:
Anyone up for a toast?

CHAMP:
(presumptively) I'd be happy to, Myles.

TESSA/CISCO:
(sigh)/Oh, here we go...

     [MUSIC: CHAMP UND.]

CHAMP:
My life was once disorganized and unfocused much like all your own. In fact, it wasn't until I discovered analog journaling that I began to see myself for what I really am: myself. You see, we are all who we truly are...

     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]

NARRATOR:
Let's catch you up on Champ Renegade. We have the time, trust me. You wouldn't know, based on their seemingly endless experiences as a life coach, world traveler, and general influencer, that Champ is the youngest member of The Griwerrtones. They have indeed referred to themself as "an old soul, if old also means young." Whatever that means. Griwerrtown appears to be a temporary stop in Champ's life journey, although Myles secretly hopes this isn't the case. You see, Champ is extremely adept at all things marketing, and The Griwerrtones' continued following is due in no small part to Champ's skill at "the sosh."

     [MUSIC: CHAMP UND.]

CHAMP:
...and so here is to finding true value in the footprints we leave behind.

CISCO
Cheers?

TESSA:
I suppose there is no intentional inaccuracy there.

MYLES
Well put, Champ!

     [SOUND: CLINKING GLASSES]
     [SOUND: DRINKING]

CISCO:
Hey, chief, this is pretty tasty—

MYLES:
You like it, Cisco? There's an interesting story behind this particular cuveé—

CISCO:
But nothin' beats a cold bottle of suds for this old dog.

MYLES:
I know, but we talked about this, right Cisco? You want to have something to talk about if that special person comes along. Expand those horizons!

CHAMP:
A horizon is just the "I" in bliss, sleeping on its side.

MYLES:
Exactly!

TESSA:
It is unclear if that metaphor is entirely successful, Champ.

MYLES:
We got to get you out there, buddy! Have you been working on that online profile?

     [MUSIC: CISCO UND.]
     [SOUND: DISTANT GUNFIRE]

CISCO:
(distantly) Profile. I used to profile. Size up a threat from 30 meters. But I left all that behind. Long time ago now. All that blood. (presently) You're right, chief. So, is this like a...like a spritzer, or what?

     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]

NARRATOR:
Cisco Schaefer. The oldest and longest-tenured member of The Griwerrtones. Myles met him at the DMV, where Cisco is still employed. A former cab driver, Cisco made his way to Griwerrtown for reasons he has variously described as, "needing to get away" or "wanting a quiet life, he earned it" or "they probably won't find me here." Perhaps even more odd, he had no resumé to furnish upon applying to the DMV, but after a single phone call from an unnamed reference, he was hired on the spot, no questions asked. He drives an entirely black utility van that the group uses as their shuttle for performances.

     [MUSIC: TESSA UND.]

TESSA:
Chemically, there is little to distinguish our physical reaction to either this vintage or the aforementioned bottle of suds, presumably beer. However, any particular predilection might represent a preference for the base ingredients or possibly suggest a cultural affinity borne of regional upbringing or social class.

MYLES:
Tempt you with another, Tessa?

TESSA:
That would be enjoyable.

CISCO:
Oh, it's a party now, chief!

TESSA:
I am glad my indulgence is acceptable to the group.

     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]

NARRATOR:
(affectionately)Tessa Buckle, Ph.D. is an X-ray crystallographer. This means that using experimental technology, she can describe the atomic and molecular structure of, well, anything. At least that's what we think she does. She is breathtakingly brilliant; however, her aptitude for empathy and socialization has suffered greatly from a lifetime of intense dedication to her science. This is actually why she joined The Griwerrtones: her therapist suggested practicing real interaction with other human beings, and one day she noticed an audition notice on the community board of Bean Scene and bravely took the plunge. She is a surprisingly gifted soprano, but her smarts have proven to be quite the asset to Myles in other ways. Problems like finicky recording technology and shady gig contracts are no match for Tessa's towering intellect. Oh, and she's also a nihilist.

MYLES:
I have a great feeling about this season for us, gang. What a way to start!

CHAMP:
So, Myles, you said that you know someone on the team?

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

MYLES:
Sort of. Father was a partial owner of The Grackles for years before Corny came along and built the new field and everything.

CISCO:
Corny? Oh, you mean Henrikksen?

MYLES:
Yeah. We actually went to the same school as kids, but he kept mostly to himself. He hates being called Corny, you know.

CHAMP:
Hate is just a thread that has yet to find its weave, but I don't think I'd like that as a nickname either.

CISCO:
Easy for you to say, creamy. Your name literally means winner.

CHAMP:
Totes acc, Cisco.

CISCO:
Tote sack? What's that, like a bag or somethin'?

TESSA:
I believe they mean totally accurate, Cisco. So was it Cornish Henrikksen that offered us the performance opportunity?

MYLES:
Oh, no-no. I reached out to Clobber Clobbinzky. Father helped him get his start. When he finished up in the big leagues, he decided to come back as like a farewell tour. He got us in, no problem.

TESSA:
He is proportionately very symmetrical.

CISCO:
Oh ho! Look out, someone's got it for the old slugger!

CHAMP:
Oh Tessa, is that true? Has he DM-ed you?

CISCO:
Don't be gross, Champ.

CHAMP:
It means direct message.

TESSA:
I am merely stating a fact. His face is highly measurable per standards of uniformity...as is his lower half.

CISCO:
Huh-ho!

CHAMP:
Sensuality is the foundation of inner passion.

CISCO:
Lower half!

MYLES:
Alright, alright, give her a break! Hey, so are we on for rehearsal tomorrow? Like I said, I've got a good feeling about this season. We need to be ready for any situation.

     [SOUND: GATHERING GLASSES]

TESSA:
I will be in attendance.

CISCO:
Oh yeah, I'll be here!

CHAMP:
I'm designing some hashtags for a glovebox decluttering campaign in the afternoon, so I might be a bit late.

NARRATOR:
The team makes their way to the door.

     [SOUND: HQ DOOR CREAKING OPEN]

MYLES:
Awesome. The GTs on the rise! Cool, I'll clean up. I'm sticking around to iron out some new concepts anyway. I'm feeling real positive about this candle-making and duck petting idea: Hot Quacks.

CISCO:
Hey, I like that, chief. See ya at rehearsal!

TESSA:
Good evening, everyone.

CHAMP:
Rest well!

     [SOUND: HQ DOOR CLOSING]
     [MUSIC: SHORT TRANSITION]

NARRATOR:
As the team disperses for the evening, the genius Cornish Henrikksen is making plans at Henrikksen Manor, his cavernous ancestral home on the outskirts of Griwerrtown.

     [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN UND.]

NARRATOR:
Its dizzying number of wings, parlors, bedrooms, libraries, staffing quarters, and other chambers of privilege are all impeccably designed and appointed, especially if you like things dark. That is— it's not difficult to see inside, but rather every decorative choice lends itself to a certain deep visual heaviness. Natural light filters in only from soaringly high windows, weak and cold by the time it reaches the floors below. Most everything is angular and hard. It's as if children aren't welcome here. But it is quite beautiful in its way.

     [SOUND: DOOR OPENS]
     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

PARRY:
Good evening, Master Cornish. Did you enjoy your outing to the baseball contest?

NARRATOR:
Oh, and this is Parry. Short for Parental Unit 1000. Cornish was raised by what you might call a robot. His parents were much more interested in tending to their pharmaceutical monopoly and lavish lifestyle than rearing their accident of a child, and so they co-developed the Parental Unit 1000 as a prototype surrogate caregiver. After they died young and unexpectedly, a 13-year-old Cornish eschewed governmental interference and took care of himself, aided by his own cunning and his trusted Parry. From there he went on to found the immensely successful Pills 'N' Chills, home of the Pharmafrost.

     [SOUND: DOOR CLOSES]
     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

PARRY:
Did The Grackles prevail?

CORNISH:
Parry, we both know that your network precludes you from feigning ignorance. You update every 10 seconds and surely know the score.

PARRY:
I was merely trying to make conversation. This is how you talk to me after everything I have done for you?

CORNISH:
Parry, reduce intensity of familial simulator by twenty percent. Authorization: 80085 Henrikksen, Cornish. I just cannot deal with the guilt trip right now.

     [SOUND: ROBOT BEEP BOOPS]

PARRY:
Authorization accepted. Would you like something to eat?

     [MUSIC: CONIVING UND.]

CORNISH:
Yes, I would. Tell me...is today...?

PARRY:
It is Wacaroni Wednesday.

CORNISH:
Oh, how wonderful!

PARRY:
Would you prefer dinosaurs or stars?

CORNISH:
Oh Parry, stars of course!

PARRY:
I will send—

CORNISH:
Wait! No...no...let's make it dinosaurs after all (short evil chuckle). I'm feeling (with a grin)...predatorial.

PARRY:
Most dinosaurs were herbivores.

CORNISH:
Then put some disgusting broccoli on the side and make sure it also has cheese on it otherwise I will not eat it!

PARRY:
Sending instructions to kitchen. Please hold.

     [SOUND: ROBOT BEEP BOOPS]

PARRY:
Sent.

NARRATOR:
Cornish makes his way into a study with Parry trailing behind him.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS/WHIRRING]

CORNISH:
To answer your question, Parry, yes I very much enjoyed myself at the baseball game. Things are progressing nicely. Now, how are the preparations coming for the Halloween Ball?

PARRY:
Have you been continuing the daily application of the medicated cream to your bottom?

CORNISH:
My what? Parry, I asked about the Halloween Ball!

PARRY:
My programming is designed to prioritize your care over everything else. Therefore, it is impossible for me to update you on the quality of preparations if I do not know if you will be physically fit for reveling.

CORNISH:
Yes, I've been using the cream.

PARRY:
Has the chaffing reduced? Perhaps I should examine you—

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

CORNISH:
Yes, it is much better! The party, Parry! Parry, the party!

PARRY:
All arrangements you have asked for have been made. I am conjecturing that it will once again be the event of the season, based on the rsvp pattern and predicted forecast.

CORNISH:
And how is everything going...downstairs?

PARRY:
The device is still on pace for scheduled completion.

CORNISH:
(chuckle) Most excellent, Parry. Proceed with phase two of the operation. (evil laughing)

          [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN TRANSITION]

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile at Griwerrtones HQ...

     [SOUND: WHIP CRACK]
     [SOUND: RECORDING DEVICE CLICK]

MYLES:
Note to self: trial number four unsuccessful. Duck feathers and wax proving to be an unpleasant combination.

     [SOUND: RECORDING CLICK OFF]

MYLES:
(to himself) I wonder if the age of the duck will make a difference...

     [SOUND: DOORBELL]

MYLES:
(to himself) Well who the heck could that be? (outwardly) Just a second!

     [SOUND: KNOCKING]

MYLES:
Yeah, I'm coming! (to himself) Keep your pants on...

     [SOUND: DOOR OPENING]
     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AWAY]

MYLES:
Hey! What's the big idea?

NARRATOR:
Myles looks down and sees a very fancy envelope by his feet.

MYLES:
OK...weird...

     [SOUND: DOOR CLOSING]

MYLES:
Cool envelope though!

     [SOUND: OPENING LETTER]

MYLES:
"From the offices of Cornish Henrikksen."
Wait, Corny?

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

MYLES:
"Mr. Henrikksen requests the pleasure of your attendance to the forthcoming annual Halloween Ball. Additionally, he would like to hire The Griwerrtones as a featured part of the evening's entertainment. He very much enjoyed your performance at the baseball contest."
How about that!
"Please see attached contract. If the terms are acceptable, simply sign and mail back using the provided addressed and stamped envelope."

     [SOUND: PAPER RUSTLE]

MYLES:
Huh. Nice touch, Corny.
"Costumes optional, but strongly encouraged. Signed, Parry Unitas, Esquire."
The gang is gonna freak!

NARRATOR:
Myles rushes over to his phone and opens up the group thread.

     [SOUND: VARIOUS TEXTING/SENT TEXT SOUNDS]

MYLES:
Hey, ya'll. Get this: we just got asked to play the Henrikksen Halloween Ball.

TESSA:
It seems as if your "good feeling" proved accurate, despite its superstitious premise.

CHAMP:
(scrolling, to themself) Let's see, which one, which one...oh, perfect.

NARRATOR:
Champ sends a picture of a mother elephant protecting her calf from a poacher with superimposed calligraphy reading: "Positivity is a tusk have."

CISCO:
You think there'll be food, chief? I've been in the mood for a parmigiana real nice! Maybe eggplant?

CISCO:
(to himself) Oh, how do I do those cartoon thingys...?

MYLES:
No doubt, Cisco! So what does everyone think? We should do it, right?

TESSA:
To decline would indicate value in any life choice, therefore I suppose we accept.

MYLES:
(to himself) Tessa, you rascal.

CHAMP:
Hashtag you only live twice...

CISCO:
Eggplant cartoon, eggplant cartoon, eggplant cartoon, drool face, and...send.

MYLES:
(to himself) Cisco, buddy...

CHAMP:
Cisco, remind me to help you find your inner texting power tomorrow.

MYLES:
Yes, Cisco definitely get with Champ on that. Ok, sounds like we're all agreed. When it rains it pours! Can't wait for rehearsal tomorrow!

     [SOUND: RECORDING DEVICE CLICK]

MYLES:
Idea: squeezeable Italian food but also speed dating...

     [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN UND.]

NARRATOR:
As Myles continues brainstorming into the night, Cornish Henrikksen has finished his delectable dinosaurs and has made his way down to the secure lower levels of Henrikksen Manor.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DOWN STAIRS]
     [SOUND: BUZZ/BEEPS DOOR OPENS]

NARRATOR:
Through an observation window, he evaluates the progress of several lab coat-ed engineers and robotic assistants as they continue installing what looks almost to be a surgical theatre. There are adjustable tables with harnesses, metering devices, and all manner of other highly technical components. In a glass chamber stands a miserable-looking man covered in electrodes. There is a mask with a hose covering his nose and mouth. An engineer turns to Cornish and gives a thumbs up. Cornish presses a button on a console before him.

     [SOUND: ELECTRICAL NOISE]

CORNISH:
Proceed with the subject.

     [SOUND: ELECTRICAL NOISE/CURRENT BUILDING]
     [SOUND: SCREAMING]

NARRATOR:
A nearby intercom interrupts his evaluation.

     [SOUND: INTERCOM NOISE]

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir...

CORNISH:
What is it? I'm very busy.

PARRY:
You have a visitor.

CORNISH:
It will take me entirely too long to wind my way back upstairs, Parry. Just patch it through.

     [SOUND: ROBOT BEEP BOOPS]

PARRY:
Microphone enabled. (to the visitor) Speak into my lower half. Lower. Lower. (to Cornish) It is live. Go ahead, sir.

CORNISH:
Was the message delivered?

     [SOUND: MUFFLED VOICE]

CORNISH:
...Oh, wonderful. And you weren't seen?...
...Perfect. Well done. Although, I suppose I gave you little choice (short chuckle)...
...How would you gauge their interest based on what you've observed?...
...I see...
...Most excellent. Standby for further instruction...

     [SOUND: INTERCOM SWITCH OFF]

(to himself) Now, let's see what The Griwerrtones are truly made of...

     [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN UND.]
     [SOUND: ELECTRICAL NOISE/CURRENT BUILDING]
     [SOUND: CONTINUED SCREAMING]

     (END OF THE GRIWERRTONES CHAPTER ONE)
     [BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP]



THE GRIWERRTONES - Chapter Two      23:08

     [MUSIC: SLEEPY TIME INTRO]

CORNISH:
(stirring)...No...no...I don't want to wear it, I'm a big kid...no...(startled) aaAAHHhhhhhhhhh!

     [SOUND: INTERCOM]

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir?

CORNISH:
Parry, lights to thirty percent!

     [SOUND: BEEPING]

PARRY:
Did you have another night terror, sir?

CORNISH:
Yes. I'm having trouble sleeping in anticipation of this weekend's Halloween Ball. Is everything coming together?

     [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

PARRY:
The device is completed. Tests have been inconclusive, but the engineering team is working as we speak under my supervision.

CORNISH:
And have all the necessary materials now been accounted for?

PARRY:
All components are now acquired, sir.

CORNISH:
Excellent. (Beat) Parry, could you bring me some water? I must get some rest, but I am quite parched.

PARRY:
(beat) Sir, I have not outfitted your bed with the special sheets—

CORNISH:
Ugh, Parry!

PARRY:
Have you attempted to count your grievances?

CORNISH:
No.

PARRY:
Close your eyes sir. I will lull you.

CORNISH:
(sigh) Fine.

     [MUSIC: LULLABY XYLOPHONE UND.]

PARRY:
(To the tune of "Baa, Baa Black Sheep")
Count a grievance
What is the offense?
Let the vengeance
Now commence.

One for the children
Who laugh, point, and shove.
Two for the parents
Who never show their love.

Count a grievance
What is the offense?

(slowing down)

Let the vengeance
Now commence.

     [MUSIC: THE GRIWERRTONES THEME SONG]

NARRATOR:
In the darkest hour,
in the time of need,
who sings for the songless?

Cisco Schaefer!

CISCO:
"Don't get all riled up, creamy."

NARRATOR:
Champ Renegade!

CHAMP:
"Life is an ocean of possibility: give the roots room to grow, and you'll see that even broken wings have feathers."

NARRATOR:
Tessa Buckle, Ph.D.!

TESSA:
"My therapist says I need to consider people as more than the makeup of their atomic structure. I tend to disagree..."

NARRATOR:
And Myles Manningford!

MYLES:
"Here's one: squirrel boxing. But, it's also a ceramics studio."

NARRATOR:
Together they are...The Griwerrtones!
Written by Patrick Emile.

     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]
NARRATOR:
At Griwerrtones HQ, the team is hard at work fine-tuning for tomorrow night's performance. Or at least that's what they should be doing. They've taken a quick snack break in the lounge and things have gone a bit... off-topic.

     [SOUND: WHIP CRACK]

CISCO:
Listen here creamy, I know from symbols, ok? I have advanced training in cryptography and semiotics. The stuff I've seen, you have no idea...

     [SOUND: CHEWING]
     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

NARRATOR:
An intrigued Tessa interjects between adorably careful bites of a bagel generously spread with stone ground mustard—that's her favorite.

TESSA:
Fascinating, Cisco. Where did you receive this education?

CISCO:
I can't talk about that.

CHAMP:
Cisco, to earn your stub you can't be stub-earn. And in this case, the pay stub represents your value as someone committed to their personal growth as a modern text-er.

CISCO:
Look, sometimes an eggplant is just an eggplant. Don't be gross.

MYLES:
I am so psyched for the Halloween Ball, ya'll! But real quick, has anyone seen my dictaphone?

CISCO:
I think you mean eggplant-o-phone, right Champ?

TESSA:
That is quite a humorous entendre.

CHAMP:
Laughter is the drug for which our souls should always relapse.

CISCO:
Good one, kid. (to Myles) So where'd you see it last, chief?

MYLES:
Here, just last night. I was on a roll with my axe throwing and couples counseling idea: Hewn Quarrels.

TESSA:
Perhaps you should call it "Bury The Hatchet."

CISCO:
Oh ho!

CHAMP:
(laughing) Now that's funny.

MYLES:
Well, that wouldn't work with the sign...

CISCO:
The doc with the zingers! Who knew? Somebody get her on a stage!

CHAMP:
Not a bad idea. Tessa, I once emceed a silent dance party on an ayahuasca retreat and almost doubled my followers in 24 hours.

TESSA:
Unfortunately, my public speaking days are over after my Chad Chat on ribosomal subunits inadvertently induced sleep upon a large group of peers—some of whom, being elderly, regrettably failed to rouse.

MYLES:
Anyway, I had it right here. Sometimes it's like I can't think without it. But it's all good, it'll turn up when I least expect it!

CHAMP:
I know exactly what you mean, Myles. Coincidentally, I can't find my favorite analog journal. It's made from my own up-cycled tissues that are then embossed with my initials. It's through an affiliate, code CHAMPSTAMP20 if you're interested...

TESSA:
I do not believe in coincidence as a metric for meaning in the observable universe, but it is worth noting that my own most favored lab coat is also missing with no immediate explanation.

CISCO:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You all need to keep a better eye on your stuff. Do you not survey your surroundings at all times?

MYLES:
I mean, I try to...

TESSA:
As do I.

CHAMP:
Same.

CISCO:
For instance, chief, I know for a fact that you were working last night on your couples and axes idea.

     [SOUND: CHEWING]

MYLES:
(beat) Well, yeah that's what I said just a minute ago.

CISCO:
I know, I surveyed you saying that.

TESSA:
(Sigh)

CISCO:
I also know that you, Tessa, recently acquired a baseball card, most likely of Claude "The Clobber" Clobbinzky.

NARRATOR:
The group looks to Tessa expectantly.

TESSA:
I don't see how you could possibly know that.

CHAMP:
Wait, what?

MYLES:
Tessa is he right?

TESSA:
It's...I was merely...

CISCO:
Look at what she's eating...

MYLES:
A bagel with stone ground mustard.

CHAMP:
That's her favorite.

NARRATOR:
Told ya!

TESSA:
Hardly unusual, Cisco.

CISCO:
Ay, let me finish. Look closely, you'll see that the said stone-ground mustard is from a packet.

NARRATOR:
There are indeed several opened mustard packets in front of Tessa.

CISCO:
Why the packets, I ask you...

MYLES:
Were they out of mustard at Bean Scene, Tessa? Usually, they just put it on for you.

CHAMP:
That guy who swears a lot practically starts making it when you walk in.

CISCO:
My friends, that bagel isn't from Bean Scene at all. Is it, Tessa?

TESSA:
No, it is not.

CISCO:
Now, where else can you get a fresh bagel in Griwerrtown?

MYLES:
Oh...well, I guess there's that chain place, Breadholes? It's not very good, though.

CHAMP:
Hashtag shop local!

CISCO:
Exactly, chief. So why would our esteemed doctor here drive all the way across town for a bagel when Bean Scene is on the way to HQ from her lab?

TESSA:
Has it not occurred to you that I might have had errands in that vicinity?

CISCO:
Oh, you had an errand, alright. And came prepared with the stone ground mustard packets, knowing full well that you'd most likely stop into Breadholes and doubting that they would have the right mustard.

MYLES:
Ok, but so what?

CISCO:
And what is right next door to Breadholes? You're a Griv-lifer chief, think about it...

NARRATOR:
Myles thinks about it.

MYLES:
(with realization) Uncle Able's Unforgettables!

CHAMP:
What's that?

MYLES:
They sell memorabilia, collectibles, stuff like that.

CISCO:
I rest my case.

MYLES:
Tessa?

     [SOUND: UNZIPPING]

NARRATOR:
Tessa removes a baseball card from her purse with resignation. (Annoyed) It's Clobber Clobbinzky.

TESSA:
I thought perhaps it would give me something to talk about should we cross paths at the Henrikksen Halloween Ball.

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

NARRATOR:
Ugh, he's not even that good.

TESSA:
Cisco, I must concede with intellectual admiration that you have deduced the reasoning behind my application of the mustard in packet form with astonishing accuracy.

MYLES:
Wow! Cisco! Look at you go!

CHAMP:
Maybe an eggplant is an eggplant, after all.

CISCO:
Stick with me, kid!

MYLES:
Ok, enough with the chit-chat. Let's hit it! Champ I think it's your turn!

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

NARRATOR:
The group makes their way from the lounge to the studio and circles up.

ALL:
Griwerrtones! Griwerrtones!

CHAMP:
Find your inner truth!

ALL:
The rearview is the fear view! Goooo, Griwerrtones!

CISCO:
...except when you're driving. Really need that rearview in a vehicle.

     [MUSIC: SHORT TRANSITION]

NARRATOR:
The GTs rehearse all evening, and, after stringing a few successful tries together, they eventually call it a night. The next day, Sandy Graves gets an unexpected visitor at work. Do you remember Sandy? He's the announcer for The Griwerrtown Grackles...

     [SOUND: STORE AMBIENCE]
     [MUSIC: ORGAN UND.]

SANDY:
(on microphone)...and on deck, number 42, Very Berry Serry-tonin, add pineapple and twoooo shots of beta-blocker. Keep life smooth, your order is ready.

NARRATOR:
...and he also moonlights at Pills 'N' Chills to make ends meet. See, when the team was taken over by Cornish Henrikksen, the generous healthcare plan left with the previous owners. This put Sandy in a very tough spot, as his husband Hurley is seriously ill and on several medications. With his discount at Pills 'N' Chills, Sandy is able to get by and get the prescriptions Hurley needs. Plus, Cornish thinks Sandy is a charming addition to the PNC brand.

SANDY:
(on microphone)...next we have number 43, Fennel and Dill Fentanyl Blast on a Predni-cone. Your order is ready, keep life smooth.

CLOBBER:
Sandy Graves, it is I, Claude Clobbinzky.

     [MUSIC: CLOBBER RUSSIAN UND.]

SANDY:
Clobber! How are you, my friend?

CLOBBER:
Seeing you like this, with silly hat, bring tear to eye.

SANDY:
Well, you know. We do what we have to, right? Hurley needs a lot of care these days.

CLOBBER:
He is good man, Hurley. As are you. Do you have tip jar?

SANDY:
"Gratuity hurts you and me." Company policy.

CLOBBER:
This is most stupid saying. I put money in your pocket now. Come here.

     [SOUND: WRESTLING]

NARRATOR:
Sandy and Clobber begin to tussle a bit.

SANDY:
No...Claude, cut it out. I could get in trouble.

CLOBBER:
Do not struggle. You are weak man. I am strong man. You will only lose.

NARRATOR:
Clobber stuffs Sandy's shirt pocket with quite a lot of money.

SANDY:
Clobber, that's too much.

CLOBBER:
It is nothing. Tell Hurley I said hello.

SANDY:
Thank you.

CLOBBER:
Enough.

SANDY:
I never took you for a prescriptions kinda guy. This your first time here?

CLOBBER:
It is my first time here during day, yes. Sometimes, Cornish and I have...meetings. In fact, we are to have one today. Very strange, with all the lights and sun shining.

SANDY:
What kind of meetings?

NARRATOR:
Clobber stares at Sandy blankly.

SANDY:
Well, none of my business of course. (Lowering voice) Look, Claude, you can talk to me if you're mixed up in anything shady, you know. I know Cornish is into some weird stuff. I'd tell someone myself if he didn't have me—

SMOOTHIE TECH:
Order up!

SANDY:
(nervously) You know what, never mind. So is Mr. Henrikksen here? I didn't see him come in.

CLOBBER:
You will be at Halloween Ball tonight?

SANDY:
Oh. Yup, I'll be there.

CLOBBER:
Ok, I go past you into back office now. It is good to see you, Sandy Graves.

     [MUSIC: CLOBBER RUSSIAN UND.]

SANDY:
Uh, yeah Clobber. Good to see you, too. Thanks again.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

NARRATOR:
Clobber's large frame glides smoothly past Sandy, through the kitchen, and towards the office. It is evident that he has done this before. He knocks...specifically.

     [SOUND: CODED KNOCKING SEQUENCE]
     [SOUND: DOOR OPENING]

NARRATOR:
It is pitch black in the window-less office. Clobber fumbles for the light switch and eventually finds it.

     [SOUND: LIGHT SWITCH]

CLOBBER:
Ah. I see. A strange meeting, indeed.

NARRATOR:
Maybe we'll learn more about that meeting later, but there is no time now.

     [MUSIC: ORGAN INTRODUCTION]

NARRATOR:
My loves, the night is upon us. The Annual Henrikksen Halloween Ball!

     [SOUND: PARTY AMBIENCE]
     [MUSIC: JAZZ PARTY UND.]

CORNISH:
Yes, wonderful to see you. Thank you for coming.

Ah, so glad you could make it!

Oh, look at you! What a costume. Please make yourself at home. Mm-hm. There you go.

NARRATOR:
Henrikksen Manor has been transformed into the most wonderfully spooky party you could imagine. No expense has been spared. Cobwebs, bats, spiders, fog machines, automated lighting, zombie fire breathers, hired clowns who will tap your shoulder and run away, animatronic ghouls and goblins, and food and drink to feed an army.

Cornish is dressed as an eccentric 1920s billionaire, and while that doesn't stretch the imagination too much, his insistence that Parry dress as a gum, mint, and cigarette girl is a nice touch. Being a robot, it's not like his arms will ever get tired from holding a tray all night.

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

PARRY:
Coffee, tea, or me?

CORNISH:
Well, this seems to be going splendidly thus far, wouldn't you say, Parry?

PARRY:
The event of the season as predicted, sir.

NARRATOR:
Meanwhile, outside...

     [SOUND: CRICKETS]

CISCO:
(pause) I say we just go in.

CHAMP:
Same, Cisco.

MYLES:
But shouldn't we knock? You don't know how it is in these circles. There's always some stupid proper way of doing things.

NARRATOR:
Tessa points to a cardboard coffin stuck into a massive plant by the door. It reads...

     [MUSIC: SHORT ORGAN BUILD]

"Come In...If You Dare!"

TESSA:
It would seem that the recommended instruction is simply to enter.

MYLES:
Ok. (psyches himself up) Let's do this gang!

     [SOUND: MANOR DOOR OPENING]
     [MUSIC: JAZZ PARTY UND.]

PARRY:
Master Cornish, it appears as if the Griwerrtones have arrived.

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

NARRATOR:
Normally Parry would be sure about who is entering and exiting Henrikksen Manor, but costumes do make it more difficult to verify everyone on the guest list. The GTs are no exception. They are each wearing witch hats and holding brooms, however, instead of tattered robes, they are covered head to toe in yarn, glitter, popsicle sticks, and pipe cleaners. (embarrassed) Yes. It's witchcraft.

CORNISH:
Myles Manningford, is that you under there?

MYLES:
(putting on airs) A-good evening, CornyyyIISH. It has indeed been an age since our last encounter.

CISCO:
You ok, chief?

CORNISH:
Now now, Myles. Let us dispense with the formalities. Bring it in.

NARRATOR:
Cornish and Myles have a terribly awkward hug.

PARRY:
Well done, sir. The practice has proved to be worthwhile.

CORNISH:
Parry! Ugh.

MYLES:
Thank you so much for having us Cornish. Um, this is Cisco Schaefer...

CISCO:
How you doin'?

CORNISH:
Quite well, thank you.

MYLES:
...Tessa Buckle...

NARRATOR:
That's Tessa Buckle, Ph.D.

TESSA:
Good evening, Mr. Henrikksen.

CORNISH:
Dr. Buckle, I am...familiar with your work.

MYLES:
...and Champ Renegade…

CHAMP:
Très belle, Mr. Henrikksen.

CORNISH:
Parry?

PARRY:
They say you have a beautiful home, sir.

CORNISH:
Oh, well thank you very much, Champ. I so wish I paid more attention to my French lessons as a lad.

CHAMP:
Anything is easy to pick up, no matter how heavy, if you see its inner light...ness.

CORNISH:
...ok. Very good. Uh, Myles, you remember Parry, of course?

MYLES:
Definitely. (over-pronouncing) How...are...you, Parry?

PARRY:
Coffee, tea, or me?

MYLES:
Oh, um. I'm good. Anyone else?

CORNISH:
So let me guess: witchcraft!

MYLES / CISCO / CHAMP / TESSA:
Nailed it! / Yep, that's what it is. / I thought a group thing would be appropriate. / It was not my preferred choice.

CORNISH:
How wonderful! Please, enjoy the party. You will be performing in the east parlor, but Parry will make sure you have everything you need when the time comes. I simply cannot wait to hear what you have prepared for us. I'm a very big fan.

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir...

CORNISH:
I know, Parry! Please excuse me, Griwerrtones. I must be off to be a stupid host. Goodbye for now.

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

NARRATOR:
Cornish wades into the sea of guests with Parry in tow.

MYLES:
Champ, what gives? You speak French? That made us look so awesome!

CHAMP:
Yeah, in my younger years I co-sponsored a 36-month selfie-taking residency in Paris called View the Visage.

CISCO:
Younger years. Why don't you co-sponsor me over to that grub table, Champ? I can't sing on an empty stomach.

CHAMP:
Lead the way, Cisco.

NARRATOR:
As the pair makes their way to the buffet, Myles hears a familiar voice behind him.

CLOBBER:
Myles Manningford. It is I, Claude Clobbinzky.

MYLES:
Clobber! My man, how are you?! Love the costume, what is that your...away uniform?

CLOBBER:
I have nothing to hide and so therefore bravely show what I am. Baseball player.

MYLES:
Have you met my friend? This is Tessa Buckle, Ph.D. Our soaring soprano.

TESSA:
He..hello...good evening, Mr. Clobbinzky.

CLOBBER:
You are like a beautiful sunrise if sunrise could be nervous.

MYLES:
Well hey, I'm going to go say hi to a few people. Is that cool, Tessa?

TESSA:
Um, well—

MYLES:
Awesome. Great to see you, Clobber!

CLOBBER:
And you as well, Myles Manningford.

MYLES:
Sandy! Is that you?

CLOBBER:
So do you come to Halloween Ball often, or...?

NARRATOR:
Myles makes his way over to Sandy, leaving Tessa with the big, dumb baseball player. Elsewhere at the party...

CHAMP:
So Cisco, your surveying skills must be totes fired up at a party like this, bet.

CISCO:
You could say that again, kid. You notice anything weird about the robot?

CHAMP:
Well...it's a robot?

CISCO:
(whispered) Exactly.

CHAMP:
So...

CISCO:
So, I bet you a bottle o' suds that he's like me viz-o-viz—

CHAMP:
(correcting him) Vis-à-vis...

CISCO:
(same as before) viz-o-viz The Griwerrtones in that he knows everything that's happening at all times. Never trust a robot. I learned that the hard way.

     [SOUND: WEREWOLF HOWL]

NARRATOR:
And over by a trio of breakdancing werewolves, Myles is consoling Sandy Graves.

MYLES:
Look, Sandy, if there's anything I can do. Money, whatever. Hurley will get through this, I just know it.

SANDY:
Thanks, Myles. Actually, what I need is to get some alone time with Cornish.

NARRATOR:
Sandy seems very anxious.

MYLES:
Corny? I mean, Cornish? Why don't I just wave him over...

SANDY:
No! It has to be somewhere quiet. It's important.

MYLES:
Okayyyy...

NARRATOR:
Let's see how Tessa is failing—I mean, faring...

CLOBBER:
I can sign that for you, if that is wish you make.

TESSA:
That would be a most welcome addition to its value.

CLOBBER:
You know I hit ball so far. Farther than you.

TESSA:
Oh, I'm quite sure.

CLOBBER:
In fact, I dare you. I dare you hit ball farther than me. Right now. I dare you.

TESSA:
Well, it would seem that I am lacking the appropriate equipment and footwear for such a challenge—

CLOBBER:
Then, some night in the future, sunrise girl. Some night in future. I destroy ball for your pleasure and perhaps we lie on backs and look at stars afterwards.

TESSA:
I...I would very much welcome the opportunity to watch the balls. Watch you hit the balls. In fact, I—

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

CORNISH:
Dr. Buckle, I'm so very sorry, but may I cut in for a moment?

CLOBBER:
We will speak again, Tessa Buckle, Ph.D.

TESSA:
Yes, I hope so...I...

NARRATOR:
Clobber finally walks away.

CORNISH:
Dr. Buckle?

TESSA:
Mr. Henrikksen, yes, of course, you have my rapt attention.

CORNISH:
There is something I wish to show you. Are you aware that I have a laboratory onsite? The entire lower level of the estate. It would delight me to escort you below.

TESSA:
Well then, I would be most intrigued to see it.

NARRATOR:
Tessa disappears with Cornish, leaving a trail of craft glitter in her wake. Over at the food station, an array of edibles now has a sizable dent.

MYLES:
Hey, ya'll! Whoa. Cisco? Did you eat...all that?

CISCO:
You know I can't sing when I'm hungry, chief.

MYLES:
No, I know. Just...wow. Anyway, have either of you seen Tessa? It's getting close to time and I want to circle up if we can.

CHAMP:
I just saw her go through that far door with Cornish Henrikksen.

CISCO:
Ay! There ya go, creamy! Nice work!

MYLES:
What? Weird. Ok. Well, I guess if she's with Cornish then she won't be late for the performance. It's not like it'll happen without him there.

NARRATOR:
A very thin and gangly man with headphones around his neck approaches them.

DJ YUH-NO:
Yo, yo, what do you know my fellow peoples!

CHAMP:
DJ Yuh-no?!

DJ YUH-NO:
Hey, that's me, yuh know.

CHAMP:
I saw you perform Roach-ella two years ago and it was the highlight of my festival season. You might remember me from backstage. I was wearing a wide-brimmed hat.

DJ YUH-NO:
Hey, preesh that, kid. Preesh that.

CHAMP:
Are you DJ-ing tonight?

DJ YUH-NO:
Hey, you know. This cat Henrikksen said he wanted the best, so he got with my agent Age-dawg and the rest is history. Ima be right behind ya'll ready to set it off as soon ya'll's tune is through.

MYLES:
Cool!

DJ YUH-NO:
So hit me the vibes, you know. Is it gonna be like spooky scary, or kooky crazy, or what? I wanna be ready to drop the freshest needle possible. You know?

NARRATOR:
The gang fills in Dj Yuh-no on their plans as some time passes at the party. Eventually, Tessa and Cornish emerge from behind a large painting, or a door I suppose, in a completely different part of the manor from where they descended. Sandy Graves walks up to them with two glasses.

SANDY:
Mr. Henrikksen, you can't be empty-handed at your own ball! Here, I brought you some champagne.

     [SOUND: GLASSES CLINK]

SANDY:
Can we talk? It's important.

TESSA:
I'll just be off now. It's almost time for the performance.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AWAY]

CORNISH:
Of course, Dr. Buckle. Thank you for indulging me. Sandy, can this wait? The entertainment is about to begin.

SANDY:
It really can't, Mr. Henrikksen.

NARRATOR:
Across from the main hall and in the east parlor, the team is now complete again.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS RUNNING TOWARDS]

MYLES:
Tessa, where did you go? What was all that with Corny?

TESSA:
Myles, we need to talk—

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]

PARRY:
Griwerrtones. It is now time for your performance. Do you have everything you require?

MYLES:
Um, sure. (slower) Yes...definitely, Parry. We're ready to go. Right, gang?

PARRY:
Excellent. I will now create the performance lighting. Master Henrikksen will introduce you.

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
     [SOUND: SPOTLIGHT CLICKS ON]

NARRATOR:
The lights begin to shift to a low and dramatic setting. A spotlight appears in front of The Griwerrtones, now lined up and holding lit candles. DJ Yuh-no and his huge set-up tower behind them.

SANDY:
(hushed) I'm sure that's what I saw. I just thought you'd want—

CORNISH:
This will have to wait, Sandy. That's my cue.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]
     [SOUND: APPLAUSE]

NARRATOR:
Cornish walks into the pool of light.

     [SOUND: AUDIENCE REACTIONS, SURPRISE, LAUGHTER]

CORNISH:
Welcome distinguished guests, I will make this short. Thank you so much for reveling with us this evening. The party is of course only getting started. First, we will have The Griwerrtones charm us with a Halloween carol and then, as a special treat, I have flown in DJ Yuh-no to help us dance into the night. And maybe there will be other surprises to follow: it is Halloween after all, anything is possible! (chuckle) Without further ado—The Griwerrtones!

     [SOUND: APPLAUSE]

CISCO:
(hushed) Chief, these candles might be a bad idea. The wax is starting to drip.

TESSA:
I concur, Cisco.

MYLES:
Not nowwwwwwww, everyone's looking at us. Cisco?

     [SOUND: PITCH PIPE]

MYLES:
Two...three...four...

     [MUSIC: HELL IS WHERE THE HARM IS]

ALL:
Oooo Oooo Oooo
Hell is where the harm is,
When you want to feel,
Something more than holiday wishes—
Something real.

Hell is where the harm is.
Trust me and you'll learn.
You've never known the Halloween spirit,
Until you burn.

Down here...

You can be anything
Or anyone you want.
Costumes and trickery
And enemies to haunt.

They'll pay!

Hell is where the harm is.
If you want to know,
The meaning of the holiday season,
Just look below.

Hell is where the harm is.
Trust me and you'll learn.
You've never known the Halloween spirit,
Until you burn.

Down here you'll burn.
Halloween. Halloween. Harm is on its way.

     [MUSIC: STARK SHIFT]
     [SOUND: BIG LIGHT SWITCH THROW]
     [SOUND: AUDIENCE SHOCK, SCARED]

NARRATOR:
Suddenly the lights go out and the party is pitched into blackness.

TESSA:
Ow! The wax!

NARRATOR:
Tessa fumbles with her candle and drops it.

     [SOUND: GUNSHOT]
     [SOUND: SCREAMS, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
     [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN UND.]

CISCO:
Everybody down!

MYLES:
What's happening?!

NARRATOR:
Emergency lighting switches back on, and the scene is unexplainable.

     [SOUND: PANICKED GUESTS]

MYLES:
Is everyone ok!?

GUEST:
Look! The DJ!

     [SOUND: SCREAM]

NARRATOR:
Behind the team and slumped over his turntables is a very dead-looking DJ Yuh-no. Blood trickles out from under him and onto his speakers.

CHAMP:
No! DJ Yuh-no!

CISCO:
Chieeeef! I've got eyes on Henrikksen!

NARRATOR:
In the middle of the parlor floor lies the genius Cornish Henrikksen facedown and unmoving.

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir!

NARRATOR:
There is a spilled champagne flute next to his outstretched hand. Sandy stands over him, looking terrified.

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir!

MYLES:
Holy Sh—

     (END OF THE GRIWERRTONES CHAPTER TWO)
     [BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP]



THE GRIWERRTONES - Chapter Three      47:33

NARRATOR:
A few days ago...

     [SOUND: WHIP CRACK]

MYLES:
Ok, ya'll. I know we're set on "Hell Is Where The Harm" Is for the ball, but is it ok if we work on the record for a bit? I think this will be our best album yet!

TESSA:
That seems like a wise use of our time.

CISCO:
Whatever you say, Chief.

CHAMP:
Lack of preparation leads to relaxation confiscation.

MYLES:
Ok, let me just dial it up here...

     [SOUND: BUTTON MASHING]

MYLES:
Ok, Tessa why don't you just dial it up here...

TESSA:
Myles, I say this with only good intention, but turning the console on is a good place to start.

CISCO:
Oh ho!

CHAMP:
Hashtag where's the burn cream!

MYLES:
You got me again, T!

     [MUSIC: SONG BEGINS]

MYLES:
Oh, oh, here we go. One...two...one, two, three!

ALL:
Sha-la-la-late at night
When you need to groove, and it's
Close to Halloween,
There's only one place that
You should ever go, when you
Want a spooky scene!

So just grab your boo,
Or your favorite ghoul and say,
"Hey, it's time to jive!"
This is the party where
You can raise the dead - hope you
Make it out alive!
At…

Danceylvania!
The Underground's underground new-wave rave!
Danceylvania!
You're gonna catch a fever from beyond the grave!

Every night
Is Hades Night (sha la la)
And scares are free.
There's nowhere ghosts
Or goblin-folk (sha la la)
Would rather be (rather be)
Than...

Danceylvania!
Danceylvania!
Danceylvania!
Danceylvania!

     [SOUND: PHONE RINGING]

MYLES:
Aw, come on!

CISCO:
That's me, Chief. Sorry.

MYLES:
Cisco? Really?

CISCO:
I'm uh...I'm just gonna take this outside.

MYLES:
Alright.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

MYLES:
Ok, Tessa, Champ—let's try to clean up that bridge...

     [SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING]

CISCO:
Go for Cisco...
...Yup, it's all collected...
...Yeah, I'm gonna do that, too...
...I just told you—it's all under control...
...Alright...
...Ok...
...Yeah, Cisco out...

     [SOUND: PHONE CLICK]

CISCO:
Oh boy, they're never gonna know what hit 'em...

     [MUSIC: GRIWERRTONES THEME SONG]

NARRATOR:
In the darkest hour,
in the time of need,
who sings for the songless?

Cisco Schaefer!

CISCO:
"Don't get all riled up, creamy."

NARRATOR:
Champ Renegade!

CHAMP:
"Life is an ocean of possibility: give the roots room to grow, and you'll see that even broken wings have feathers."

NARRATOR:
Tessa Buckle, Ph.D.!

TESSA:
"My therapist says I need to consider people as more than the makeup of their atomic structure. I tend to disagree..."

NARRATOR:
And Myles Manningford!

MYLES:
"Here's one: squirrel boxing. But, it's also a ceramics studio."

NARRATOR:
Together they are...The Griwerrtones!
Written by Patrick Emile.

A few moments ago...

     [SOUND: PANICKED GUESTS]

CHAMP:
No! DJ Yuh-no!

CISCO:
Chieeeef! I've got eyes on Henrikksen!

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir!

MYLES:
Holy Sh—

     [SOUND: MIXER CRASHING]
     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

DJ YUH-NO:
Aye yo-yo, what do you know! It's DJ Yuh-no, back from the grizzy-grave!

CHAMP:
What?!

NARRATOR:
DJ Yuh-no has his arms stretched out in front of him like a zombie and he's bobbing his head to a beat in his headphones. He spits out a blood capsule!

DJ YUH-NO:
Did I fool ya! That was my tricks, now it's time for the treats! Let's get poppin'!

     [SOUND: FAILED RECORD DROP/SPARKS]

NARRATOR:
His rig begins to spark and smoke.

DJ YUH-NO:
My rig! It's like it's straight throwed!

NARRATOR:
Cisco inspects the front of the massive DJ controller.

CISCO:
That's because there's a bullet in it, creamy.

     [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN UND.]

TESSA:
Myles!

NARRATOR:
Tessa is kneeling next to Cornish Henrikksen, still facedown and unmoving. Sandy Graves stands in shock next to him. She smells the glass and inspects Cornish's mouth.

TESSA:
(To herself). Almonds. (To Myles) He's been poisoned, Myles! Cyanide!

MYLES:
Oh, nuts! Champ, call an ambulance!

CHAMP:
On it!

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

NARRATOR:
Champ's phone doesn't appear to be working.

CHAMP:
Myles, I'm getting no signal...

CISCO:
Neither am I, Chief. And the front door is locked from the inside.

MYLES:
What?!

PARRY:
It is the safety protocol. When Master Cornish's life is in danger, the entire estate enters into lock-down security. No phone service, and no one can enter or exit the property.

TESSA:
How is that in any way designed to ensure safety?

     [SOUND: PANICKED GUESTS INTENSIFIES]

PARRY:
Master Cornish saw it in a motion picture and programmed it himself, despite my objections.

CHAMP:
Can you override it?

PARRY:
I...cannot at this time.

MYLES:
Oh, enough of this.

     [MUSIC: THE GRIWERRTONES THEME SONG REPRISE]

NARRATOR:
Myles leaps onto DJ Yuh-no's stage.

MYLES:
Griwerrtones! Gather!

NARRATOR:
The GTs run to their leader.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]

MYLES:
Cisco, I need you to determine who among the guests might be armed or a threat. Whoever is behind this no doubt is trying to blend in with the guests now.

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

CISCO:
You got it, Chief. I'll sniff them out. (sniff sniff)

MYLES:
Champ, go with Cisco. I want you on crowd control. Panic is not what we need right now. Do your thing.

CHAMP:
"In peace you'll find a quiet mind is not far behind."

MYLES:
Huh?

CHAMP:
It's a part of an anti-anti-anxiety campaign that I—

MYLES:
Champ.

CHAMP:
Yeah?

MYLES:
Go.

CHAMP:
On it!

CISCO:
I say we take them to the library, kid.

CHAMP:
Where is it?

CISCO:
I, uh...I know the way. Follow me.

     [MUSIC: CHAMP UND.]

NARRATOR:
The pair begins to herd the guests.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS/FADING OUT]

CHAMP:
Wow, look at all of these empowered soul generals here before me tonight. My name is Champ Renegade, (fading out) and this is my associate Cisco Schaefer...

MYLES:
Ok, Tessa—

TESSA:
Yes, I believe I can save him. There is a lab downstairs that appeared to be outfitted with everything I need to administer the necessary hydroxocobalamin.

MYLES:
Sure, but—

TESSA:
I will, however, need help carrying Mr. Henrikksen to said lab, as I am unable to lift him without assistance.

     [MUSIC: CLOBBER UND.]

CLOBBER:
I am strong and therefore can be of service in this regard, yes?

NARRATOR:
Wait, really?

TESSA:
Time is of the utmost importance. Let's go.

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

NARRATOR:
Clobber throws Cornish over his shoulder and they hurriedly exit the parlor.

MYLES:
...right. Thank you, Tessa. (beat) Ok, well Sandy—HOLY SMOKES!

NARRATOR:
Myles feels a ghostly tap on his shoulder and turns to see a clown running away.

     [SOUND: CLOWN GIGGLE]

MYLES:
(calling out) The party's over, if it wasn't obvious! (to himself) Although, I do admire the commitment. Anyway, Sandy that leaves you with me.

SANDY:
Myles, I don't know what happened, I swear...

MYLES:
We're going to get to the bottom of it. I just need to think. (over-pronouncing) Parry, is there somewhere quiet we can go, question mark?

PARRY:
There is Fort Henrikksen.

MYLES:
Fort Henrikksen? But, I thought we can't leave the grounds?

PARRY:
It is Master Cornish's special place. I recommend the entertainer DJ Yuh-no accompany us. He could still be in danger.

DJ YUH-NO:
Hey, that's me, yuh know.

MYLES:
Good thinking, Parry. Lead the way.

     [SOUND: ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

NARRATOR:
Parry guides the group through the mansion, down a marble hallway, and to what appears to be a dead end. Parry gently rams his still-affixed mint, gum, and cigarette tray into the wall before them.

     [SOUND: PARRY KNOCKING AGAINST WALL]

NARRATOR:
And again...two more times.

     [SOUND: REVERSING/WHIRRING/KNOCKING]
     [SOUND: DOOR OPENING]

PARRY:
Welcome to Fort Henrikksen.

MYLES:
(in awe) Well how about that...

     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]

NARRATOR:
Fort Henrikksen is quite simply...magical. It's a cavernous room with soft carpet and a complex system of boldly painted walls and pillars. Only, they don't look like walls or pillars, but rather impossibly large sofa cushions and pillows and blankets bigger than most houses.

During the day, light trickles in from a massive skylight through meticulously crafted cracks between the faux cushions, as if a children's fort and an ancient temple came together in an explosion of imagination. It's nighttime now, so the chamber is lit from quirky angles by fixtures resembling oversized flashlights.

There are games and instruments and sporting equipment scattered about, as well as a snack bar and a huge table with an enormous map of Griwerrtown unrolled upon it. One wall has a small proscenium theatre built into it, with a wonderfully detailed castle and balcony on the stage.

MYLES:
This...is...incredible.

PARRY:
Master Cornish designed the Fort many years ago with the assistance of several esteemed architects. He enjoys having a place at the ready where companions can congregate, should the need arise. You are the first person to enter, besides Master Cornish himself.

DJ YUH-NO:
Yo, it's like—it's like we're small and everything else is big, yuh know! Like this whole thing a couch, BOOSH, and I'm just a little kitty cat. Meow! Yuh know?!

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]
     [MUSIC: NARRATION UND.]

NARRATOR:
Myles walks over to a far corner. It's a painting studio. Around it is hung wonderfully rendered watercolors ranging from scenes of Henrikksen Field, Pills 'N' Chills, Griwerrtown Canyon, and some portraits. There is a large canvas on an easel with a sheet covering it.

MYLES:
These are so beautiful.

PARRY:
Master Cornish is a highly skilled visual artist.

MYLES:
Who knew?

SANDY:
Myles...

MYLES:
Right, sorry. Ok, Sandy, what exactly—wait, what?

     [MUSIC: SHORT ORGAN CLIMAX]

NARRATOR:
Myles looks down at a small table by the easel. Sitting there, amazingly, is a small still life: of a dictaphone, a journal, a lab coat, and a driving cap.

     [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

MYLES:
That's our stuff! Parry, what gives?!

PARRY:
I do not know, sir.

SANDY:
Myles, please...

MYLES:
I guess I'll deal with that later. Ok. Sandy, did you drink any of that champagne?

SANDY:
I did, but I feel fine. I swear I—

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

MYLES:
But you gave Cornish his glass, right?

SANDY:
Yes. And, I know that looks bad, but...

MYLES:
Sandy, I know you're under a lot of stress. But it seemed like you were desperate to get with Cornish all night. Did you...put anything in his glass?

SANDY:
No. Absolutely not. I promise, Myles. You have to believe me!

MYLES:
I do, I do. Alright. Well, can you tell me why you had to speak to him so badly?

SANDY:
I...I got some bad news tonight...

MYLES:
Oh, no. Not Hurley?

SANDY:
No, thankfully. I'm actually being let go as announcer of The Grackles. That's what I was trying to talk to Cornish about. But first we got interrupted by one of those stupid clowns running around, and then your performance was starting, and by the time the song was over he was just on the ground. I have no idea what happened.

MYLES:
Ok, did he say anything?

     [SOUND: GUNSHOT]

DJ YUH-NO:
Oh (bleep) shit! That robot got the heat!

PARRY:
I am sorry.

     [SOUND: TWO GUNSHOTS]

PARRY:
I am sorry. I am sorry.

NARRATOR:
Parry, from underneath his costume tray, is firing wildly in DJ Yuh-No's direction. His aim appears to be way off.

     [SOUND: MORE GUNSHOTS]

MYLES:
DJ Yuh-no! Run!

NARRATOR:
DJ Yuh-no hides behind a cushioned column.

DJ YUH-NO:
What'd I do, yuh-know!? I'm, like, sorry for whatever it waaaas!

PARRY:
I am sorry. I am sorry.

     [SOUND: EMPTY GUN CLICKING]

MYLES:
Parry?!

NARRATOR:
It seems Parry is out of ammo for now. Downstairs, Tessa is rapidly and masterfully administering care to the poisoned Cornish Henrikksen.

     [SOUND: LAB SOUNDS]

CLOBBER:
You know, Tessa Buckle Ph.D., to see you work like this is quite, how you say, alluring...

TESSA:
Mr. Clobbinzky, there is no time for courtship. This man's life is in jeopardy, and I simply need you to do as I say.

NARRATOR:
HaHA! Take that!

CLOBBER:
Da, this is understood, yes.

     [SOUND: PASSING DRIP BAG]
     [MUSIC: TESSA UND.]

TESSA:
Hold this bag just so. Good. Now I need to locate some epinephrine. It is quite fortunate that Mr. Henrikksen is the owner of a pharmaceutical company, as this lab, while not quite up to my own standards of organization, is sure to have the drug somewhere.

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS/CABINETS OPENING AND CLOSING]

NARRATOR:
Tessa searches about the lab. She opens drawers and cabinets, and quickly finds the epinephrine. She briefly inspects the glass chambers, hoses, and metering devices from Cornish's mysterious experiment, but then jumps over to a long console with two large monitors. She furtively looks over to Clobber and begins to type away.

     [SOUND: TYPING]

CLOBBER:
(calling out) It is hard for me to believe that Sandy Graves do such a thing to Cornish.

TESSA:
(distracted) What's that?

CLOBBER:
I must say it is unfortunate that Sandy Graves would resort to such thing as murder. I told him earlier that he is being fired from announcing job. He must have been much angrier than he seemed.

     [SOUND: LAB SOUNDS]

TESSA:
Hold on. You're saying that Mr. Graves is being released from the team? And you told him?

CLOBBER:
(calling out) Yes, this is truth. I was given big extension, but Cornish ask that in return I break news to Sandy. It is very sad.

TESSA:
Cornish Henrikksen had you fire him? This does not seem likely, given what I know about the man.

CLOBBER:
Well, technically it was robot. Parry. He tells me that Cornish told him to tell me, it goes on and on like this...

TESSA:
(still distracted) I see. We must remember to relate this to Myles. Aha!

CLOBBER:
You find medicine, yes?

TESSA:
Um, yes. Yes, I have it.

     [SOUND: VINTAGE TURBO PRINTER]

NARRATOR:
Tessa prints a long readout.

TESSA:
(to herself) I knew it. Fascinating.

CORNISH:
(begins to rouse)

CLOBBER:
Sunrise girl! I think Cornish, he's waking up now!

     [SOUND: RUSHED FOOTSTEPS]

TESSA:
The antidote is working. Now to bring him back to the proverbial land of the living.

     [SOUND: JAB]

NARRATOR:
Tessa jabs Cornish with a long needle.

CORNISH:
Ahhhhhhh! (heavy breathing)

TESSA:
Welcome back, Mr. Henrikksen.

CORNISH:
(scratchy throat) What happened? Where is Parry?

TESSA:
You were poisoned. Cyanide.

CORNISH:
I was what?

CLOBBER:
And someone tried to shoot DJ.

     [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

CORNISH:
What?! What is going on? Never mind. Help me upstairs. I will deal with this myself.

TESSA:
That is inadvisable, Mr. Henrikksen.

CORNISH:
Dr. Buckle, while I conjecture that I am very much in your debt, I must insist. Clobber, please if you would.

CLOBBER:
Of course, Mr. Henrikksen. In fact it is I who am in your debt. For contract extension.

CORNISH:
What extension?

CLOBBER:
You tell robot to tell me that I get extension and to fire Sandy Graves so—

CORNISH:
Fire Sandy? I can assure you I did no such thing. I—

     [SOUND: DISTANT GUNFIRE]

TESSA:
Was that...?

CORNISH:
Gunplay?! Quickly now. We must get upstairs!

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]
     [MUSIC: SHORT TRANSITION]

NARRATOR:
The trio hastily begins the trek back up to the ground level of the estate. Meanwhile, in the library, Cisco had just been scratching his head in bewilderment.

     [SOUND: SNORING]

CISCO:
I gotta tell ya kid, that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of amazing things.

     [MUSIC: CHAMP UND.]

NARRATOR:
In neatly organized rows, all the party guests are lying on the library floor, either asleep or in an almost vegetative state.

CHAMP:
I once lead a guided meditation during a mindfulness excursion atop the mountains near the Sacred Valley that put our local guide into a gentle coma.

CISCO:
But...how did you get back down?

CHAMP:
In some way, Cisco, I never did.

CISCO:
Ayyy, we talked about this. Don't be weird.

CHAMP:
So what do you think? Are any of these guests persons of interest?

CISCO:
Not a one, creamy. But I think I've got an idea about who's behind this.

     [SOUND: MUFFLED GUNFIRE]
     [MUSIC: ELEVATED PLAYFUL UND.]

CISCO:
We've got shots fired about 60 meters!

CHAMP:
Myles!

CISCO:
It's Tessa I'm worried about. Let's go!

     [SOUND: CROWD ROUSING]

CHAMP:
(running out) Um, please walk back into the light! Follow it to your dream self! And find me on the soshe— @champrenegade! It's a verified account!

NARRATOR:
The duo runs out of the library and back to the parlor.

CISCO:
Alright kid, where would it have taken them?

CHAMP:
It?

CISCO:
The robot! Remember? Try to keep up.

CHAMP:
Cisco, the glitter!

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

NARRATOR:
Three distinct glittering trails are visible running outwardly from the parlor.

CISCO:
Good eye, Champ. Ok, let's see...that one is us. That one must be Tessa going to the lab. Which means this one must be Myles! But, that trail doesn't go anywhere but back to the kitchen...

CHAMP:
How do you know so much about the layout of this place? Have you been here before?

CISCO:
Look, kid. Yeah, I have. But it's not what you think. I was—

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

TESSA:
(winded) Champ! Cisco!

NARRATOR:
Tessa, Clobber, and a winded Cornish emerge from another hallway.

CISCO:
Oh, Tessa, are you a sight for sore eyes. I thought you might be dead!

TESSA:
Why me, Cisco?

CISCO:
At the end of the song. You dropped your candle.

CHAMP:
So...

TESSA:
The bullet was meant for me. This is very unsettling.

CLOBBER:
I will protect you, sunrise girl.

TESSA:
Not now, Claude. I'm thinking.

CLOBBER:
Ah, I like how you say first name. This is I, Claude—

CISCO:
Henrikksen, where might your robot take Myles? Somewhere no one would look...

CORNISH:
What are you implying?

CISCO:
Just answer the question!

CORNISH:
The Fort. Follow me.

     [SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

NARRATOR:
The unlikely band rushes through the manor to Fort Henrikksen. While inside...

     [MUSIC: CLIMACTIC UND.]

MYLES:
Parry, stop!

     [SOUND: EMPTY GUN CLICKING]

PARRY:
I am out of ammunition. It is now safe.

SANDY:
DJ Yuh-no! Are you ok?

NARRATOR:
DJ Yuh-no peers from behind a blanketed pillar.

DJ YUH-NO:
Yeah...all good, yuh-know...

MYLES:
Parry, why were you shooting at him?

     [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

PARRY:
My programming has been over-ridden. Fortunately, my targeting has been compromised by this tray. As I am also out of ammunition, it is now safe. I am sorry.

MYLES:
I don't think sorry is going to cut it, buddy. Go...go into that corner and face the wall!

PARRY:
I will do as you ask.

     [SOUND: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]
     [MUSIC: CLIMACTIC UND.]

CORNISH:
What is going on in here?

NARRATOR:
Cornish, Tessa, Cisco, Champ, and Clobber tumble into the Fort.

CISCO:
Was it the robot?

MYLES:
Corny! Oh, thank goodness!

SANDY:
Cornish! You're alive!

CISCO:
I knew it was the robot.

SANDY:
Mr. Henrikksen, sir, I promise I had nothing to do with any of this.

CISCO:
Never trust a—

CLOBBER:
Sandy Graves, why you try to kill Cornish Henrikksen?

SANDY:
I didn't! Why were you meeting with Parry at Pills 'N' Chills?

MYLES:
Cornish, Parry was shooting bullets out of his tray.

TESSA:
That would suggest I wasn't the target, after all.

CISCO:
Oh right, good point.

CHAMP:
DJ Yuh-no, are you ok?

CORNISH:
Enough! Enough of this. Parry, come here.

     [SOUND: WHIRRING]

CORNISH:
Did you fire at the DJ?

PARRY:
Yes, Master Cornish.

CORNISH:
And why did you do that?

PARRY:
I cannot say, sir.

     [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

CORNISH:
You what? You will tell me at once, authorization 80085 Henrikksen, Cornish.

PARRY:
Authorization invalid.

CORNISH:
What is happening—tell me, did you meet with Clobber Clobbinzky and have him fire Sandy Graves?

PARRY:
Yes, Master Cornish.

SANDY:
That's what I've been trying to say. I heard them in the back at Pills 'N' Chills! But, Mr. Henrikksen, that's not everything. Before that clown came up to us tonight, I was going to tell you—

CISCO:
Wait, what clown? And if the robot wasn't firing at Tessa, then why the stupid DJ?

DJ YUH-NO:
Hey, I'm right here, yuh-know!

CHAMP:
He's not stupid.

DJ YUH-NO:
Preesh that!

MYLES:
And why is our stuff over there?

CISCO:
Uh, that one's on me, Chief.

MYLES:
Huh? Cisco?

TESSA:
Ah, my lab coat.

CHAMP:
My analog journal!

     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

CORNISH:
Myles, I asked Mr. Schaefer to procure the items for me. My wish was to paint your respective totems in still life, as a token of gratitude. I contacted Cisco knowing that he would be capable of the covert task.

CISCO:
It sounded like a nice thing he was doin', what can I say...

MYLES:
Gratitude for what?

CORNISH:
For the performance. And for—

TESSA:
And for using us in an experiment in his sub-level laboratory.

     [SOUND: GASPS]

CLOBBER:
Da, it is quite scary down there.

MYLES:
What kind of experiment?

TESSA:
He is attempting to synthesize what you might call happiness—

CORNISH:
—and I believe The Griwerrtones, when singing together, to be a pure expression of joy—

TESSA:
—to then be used in the seasonal Pills 'N' Chills menu.

CORNISH:
Also true...

MYLES:
Tessa?

TESSA:
The concept is, of course, absurd. However, the science appears to be sound, and I do believe Mr. Henrikksen's intentions to be ultimately benign.

MYLES:
Oh, this is what you saw and wanted to talk to me about earlier!

TESSA:
Not exactly. Myles—

     [MUSIC: GROOVING UND.]

MYLES:
Well gee, gang! What do we think?

CISCO:
I think it sounds pretty neat, Chief.

MYLES:
This could be huge for us!

CHAMP:
The horse is the gift in the mouth of opportunity.

DJ YUH-NO:
Ay, are we gonna talk about that robot, or what?

TESSA:
Myles, there is something else.

SANDY:
Mr. Henrikksen, please listen.

DJ YUH-NO:
This party is wack! But, like, good wack, yuh-know?

SANDY:
When I was closing up that night, I also saw—

CORNISH:
Quiet, everyone!

NARRATOR:
Cornish puts his hand up.

CORNISH:
Please! Parry, who authorized you to meet with Claude Clobbinzky at Pills 'N' Chills?

PARRY:
I cannot say, sir. My programming has been over-ridden by a higher authority.

CORNISH:
There is no higher authority than mine, Parry. Answer me at once!

     [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

PARRY:
I cannot, sir.

MYLES:
(over-pronouncing) Parry, did you poison Cornish question mark?

PARRY:
I am incapable of directly harming Master Cornish.

MYLES:
Well who in the world would want DJ Yuh-no dead, and Sandy fired, and Cornish poisoned?

DISTANT VOICE:
Oh, Myles. Silly boy...

     [MUSIC: EVIL ORGAN UND.]

NARRATOR:
The group turns to face the voice. Up, on the balcony of the theatrical castle, stands one of the menacing clowns. He is holding a gun in and one hand and removes his mask with the other.

CLOWN:
Always such imagination, but never any care to consider the details...

MYLES:
NO!

CLOWN:
...isn't that right, son?

MYLES:
Dad?!

NARRATOR:
Indeed, it's Myles Manningford, Sr.

TESSA:
This is most unexpected.

CHAMP:
Wait, what?

CISCO:
He's got a gun!

SANDY:
Yup, that's who I saw that night I was closing...

CLOBBER:
Manningford? What is this all about? Lower your weapon.

DJ YUH-NO:
Yo, check this out! I saw this cat earlier when I was settin' up my rig! He was putting on that clown costume, and this little jar of pills came rolling towards me, yuh-know! I was all, "Hey fam, you dropped yo drugs...yuh-know!

MYLES:
Cyanide.

    [MUSIC: CONNIVING UND.]

MANNINGFORD SR.:
Correct, son. And therefore the insipid DJ had seen too much and had to be dealt with. My plan to frame Sandy Graves for the poisoning of Henrikksen was iron-clad until that moment. So I programmed the robot  But none of that matters now, thanks to your meddling soprano.

    [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL STAIRCASE]

NARRATOR:
Manningford Sr. begins to descend a spiral staircase from the castle balcony. Cisco carefully approaches the stage and makes a quick motion to Champ.

CISCO:
Let's all calm down, Mr. Manningford. Put the gun away, ok?

MYLES:
But, Dad. I don't understand. Murder? Why Cornish?

CORNISH:
I demand you explain yourself, Manningford. How did you compromise Parry's programming for such schemes?

MANNINGFORD SR.:
You dare speak to me that way! I helped build the blasted thing! Your mother, Cornissha, was the love of my life.

MYLES:
What?

MANNINGFORD SR.:
She and I developed the parental unit together after your father threatened her life for choosing to have you in the first place. Don't you see? You were a mistake. You ruined everything. And despite my intervention, he drove them off the cliff into Griwerrtown Canyon anyway. Dead! Because of you!

NARRATOR:
Cisco is now just a few feet away from the devious clown. Champ has disappeared.

CORNISH:
No. It...it was an accident!

MANNINGFORD SR.:
Once you took The Grackles from me, I had had enough. No more, Cornish Henrikksen. You'll never take anything from me again.

NARRATOR:
He raises the gun towards Cornish!

     [MUSIC: GROOVING UND.]

CISCO:
Now, Champ!

NARRATOR:
From out of nowhere, Champ Renegade flies from a dark wing of the stage towards Manningford Sr. Cisco tackles him and the three begin to grapple.

     [SOUND: FIGHT SOUNDS]
     [SOUND: GUNFIRE]

NARRATOR:
In the melee, there is gunfire in all directions.

MYLES:
Get down!

CORNISH:
Parry, exit lockdown protocol and alert the authorities!

PARRY:
But, Master Cornish, sir...

CORNISH:
Now!

NARRATOR:
Cisco and Champ disarm and pin down Manningford Sr.

CISCO:
We've got him, Chief!

CORNISH:
Do as I say, Parry!

PARRY:
Authorizing...authorizing...

     [SOUND: BEEPING]

PARRY:
The authorities are en route. Goodbye, sir.

CORNISH:
What do you mean, goodbye?

     [SOUND: POP AND SMOKE]

PARRY:
Master Cornish, overriding a directive from my native programmer results in malfunction and self-destruction.

     [SOUND: POP AND CRACKLE]

CORNISH:
No! Parry!

    [MUSIC: SOFT GRIWERTTONES THEME]

NARRATOR:
Dear friends, I am afraid this is true. As a protection for her son, Cornissha Henrikksen designed Parry with this fail-safe in the event that the unit ever tried to actively override its own programming.

PARRY:
I must ensure your safety.

NARRATOR:
She felt that if Parry became so evolved, that he then couldn't be trusted with the unwavering care of her child.

CORNISH:
No...please. Dr. Buckle!

TESSA:
Mr. Henrikksen, I don't believe...

     [SOUND: CRACKLES]

PARRY:
Master Cornish, sir...

CORNISH:
Parry, please don't leave me alone!

NARRATOR:
Parry's circuitry begins to betray him. His motor slowly grinds to a halt and his power cell disengages from his processor. His backlit eyes begin to flicker and fade.

     [SOUND: POWERING DOWN]

PARRY:
No more dinosaurs, sir.

CORNISH:
Parry!

PARRY:
Always aim for the starrrrs... (powering down)

CORNISH:
Parry!!

     [MUSIC: SOFT GRIWERRTONES THEME FADE]
     [MUSIC: CLIMACTIC UND.]

NARRATOR:
Suddenly, Manningford Sr. headbutts Cisco!

     [SOUND: BUTTING HEADS]

CISCO:
Ahh!

NARRATOR:
...and produces a knife from his floppy shoe and slashes at Champ!

     [SOUND: SLASH]

CHAMP:
Arghhh!

MANNINGFORD SR.:
Alone is all you will be ever be, Henrikksen. In hell!

NARRATOR:
He lunges at Cornish but Tessa jumps in the way.

TESSA:
Wait! He's your son!

     [MUSIC: ORGAN INTRIGUE UND.]

CLOBBER:
You will not harm sunrise-girl!

     [SOUND: FIGHT SOUNDS]

NARRATOR:
Clobber tackles Manningford Sr. and holds him down with his mighty strength. Suddenly police swarm into Fort Henrikksen!

     [SOUND: COP SIRENS]

CISCO:
(breathing heavily) Ayyyy, finally. Take it from here, would ya? I'm beat.

CHAMP:
Same, Cisco.

MYLES:
(gently) Tessa? What do you mean?

     [MUSIC: SOFT GRIWERRTONES THEME]

NARRATOR:
Tessa removes the print-out from her pocket.

TESSA:
Myles, this is what I needed to tell you. In his laboratory, Mr. Henrikksen has extensive biological research on all of us in anticipation of his experiment. Now, as you know, I have done similar analysis on all of you.

MYLES:
Um, did anyone know that?

CHAMP:
Knowledge is power, but I'm feeling powerless.

CISCO:
Definitely did not.

TESSA:
Well, I have. It was interesting to me to see how each of you were composed from a protein level on up—anyway, never mind! Here!

     [SOUND: PAPER RUSTLE]

NARRATOR:
She hands Myles the printout.

MYLES:
This doesn't even look like words...

TESSA:
He must've subjected himself to the experiment and done similar evaluation. That's both of your data.

MYLES:
I don't understand...

TESSA:
Myles, his biological imprint is nearly identical to yours.

MANNINGFORD SR.:
No! This can't be!

CISCO:
Get him outta here!

COP:
Alright, let's go, clown.

     [SOUND: HANDCUFFS]
     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

COP:
Crazy rich people parties, I swear...

MYLES:
But that would mean...

NARRATOR:
Myles turns to the grief-stricken genius, Cornish Henrikksen. He is kneeling beside Parry, now life-less and dark.

MYLES:
Cornish?

CORNISH:
...out. Get out. (yelling) Everybody get out!

     [SOUND: FOOTSTEPS]

NARRATOR:
DJ Yuh-no, Sandy Graves, Clobber Clobbinzky, and our heroes slowly shuffle out of Fort Henrikksen. Myles turns back.

MYLES:
Cornish. I'm...so sorry.

CORNISH:
(softer) Please leave.

NARRATOR:
Myles shuts the door behind him.

     [SOUND: LARGE DOOR CLOSING]
     [MUSIC: SOFT GRIWERRTONES THEME FADE]

NARRATOR:
A few weeks later...

     [SOUND: WHIP CRACK]

MYLES:
Alright, ya'll, I know it's been a crazy season, and I'm sorry I had to take some time off. I had a lot to take care of, I'm feeling a lot better, and I promise I'll make it up to you. But! Check this out. I think you're all gonna freak!

NARRATOR:
They are standing outside of HQ. Miles is holding a rope connected to a large tarp that is covering up the storefront sign. He pulls it hard.

     [SOUND: FABRIC TARP PULLED]
     [MUSIC: PLAYFUL UND.]

MYLES:
Ta-da!

TESSA:
Certainly one of your better ideas, Myles.

CISCO:
Oh ho! It's perfect, Chief!

CHAMP:
Myles, this could trend.

NARRATOR:
The new sign reads Griwerrtones HQ. Looks like it's permanent!

MYLES:
Yeah, after everything that happened, I was given full control over my father's estate. Sooooo, I thought what the hey, Griwerrtones or bust, baby!

     [SOUND: TRUCK]

NARRATOR:
A delivery truck pulls up.

DELIVERY GUY:
Yeah, I got a delivery for a Myles Manningford.

MYLES:
That's me!

NARRATOR:
On a furniture dolly, the driver unloads a very large crate.

MYLES:
Oh! I guess wheel it on in here.

     [SOUND: CRATE WHEELS]

NARRATOR:
After signing off on the package and some time spent un-crating it, the team stands around a large rectangle covered in brown paper.

     [SOUND: DOOR CLOSING]

CISCO:
Hey Chief, just open it. Why the suspense?

     [SOUND: PAPER TEARING]

MYLES:
Wow.

NARRATOR:
The team begins to tear all the paper away, revealing an incredible watercolor still life of a lab coat, a driving cap, an analog journal, and a dictaphone. It is vibrant and full of complexity and emotion. It's beautiful. There's also a note. Myles begins to read as the GTs bring the painting into the lounge.

     [SOUND: ENVELOPE OPENING/PAPER RUSTLING]

MYLES:
"Dear, Myles. It is with regret that I deliver this piece..." (fading out)

     [MUSIC: SOFT GRIWERRTONES THEME]

CORNISH:
"Dear, Myles. It is with regret that I deliver this piece to you so late and after such tragic events. Truly, the loss of Parry devoted me. He was all the family I ever had. And yet, while plans to rebuild him are already underway, it occurs to me that perhaps this isn't true anymore. I do not know when our paths will cross again, Myles. But maybe it will be sooner rather than later. Until then. Yours in fraternity, Cornish."

MYLES:
(to himself) Well, how about that.

CHAMP:
Myles, what do you think? Right here on the mantle?

TESSA:
The mantle is not level, and I believe this lack of visual symmetry could obfuscate enjoyment of the watercolor painting…

CISCO:
Ay, don't get all riled up, now...

MYLES:
Um, yeah! Looks great! Let's get it up there and circle up in the studio. I've got a really great feeling about what's next for us! Ready, gang? Let's hit it!

     [MUSIC: GRIWERRTONES THEME SONG]
     (END OF THE GRIWERRTONES CHAPTER THREE)



CREDITS      1:16:59

Marlo Mysliwiec: The Griwerrtones is produced by Patrick Emile and Marlo Mysliwiec. Written, directed, edited, and scored by Patrick Emile. Original songs, music and lyrics by Patrick Emile with arrangement by Cody Dry. Jovane Caamaño as Myles Manningford and Myles Manningford Sr., Cameron Casey as Champ Renegade, Evan Michael Woods as Cisco Schaefer, Amber Rossi as Tessa Buckle Ph.D., Jon Murrell as Parry Unitas, Brendan Kallaugher as Sandy Graves and the Delivery Driver, Patrick Emile as Cornish Henrikksen, Bradford Reilly as Claude "the Clobber" Clobbinzky, Cody Dry as DJ Yuh-no and the Cop, and Courtney Dyamond as the Narrator.

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